Introduction
Training a toddler to use the toilet (or potty) is one of the biggest challenges facing parents. Knowing when your child is ready and adopting a relaxed approach can help make Toilet Training a little easier.
About
Many parents feel a great deal of pressure to Toilet Train their child before the child is really ready. Often this pressure comes from relatives or friends who claim their child was trained at a much earlier age. This usually means their child was put on the potty when urination or a bowel motion was likely (e.g. after a meal) and something simply "popped out". This is not Toilet Training, this is good timing! It is important for parents to realise that a child is physically incapable of controlling their bladder and bowels until around 18-24 months of age. The nerves and muscles simply aren't properly developed before then. And this is not to say that at 18 months all children should be Toilet Trained. Some children may still be in nappies at 3 or even 4 years of age. The child's temperament, developmental stage, enthusiasm and parental expectations can all make a great difference to when a child is ready for training.
Is my child ready to start training?
As a general rule, your child is ready to start Toilet Training if s/he exhibits two or more of the following behaviours:
- Stays dry for two hours or during a nap.
- Asks to have wet or dirty nappies changed.
- Can understand and obey simple instructions.
- Shows interest in the toilet or bathroom.
- Indicates the need to go to the toilet by words, posture or facial expression.
- Wants to wear training pants or "grown up" underwear.
Start Toilet Training at a time when the household routine is fairly stable. For example, just before a vacation, when moving or renovating house, or when a new baby is coming home are NOT good times to try and begin.
How do I begin?
The first steps involve familiarising the child with the potty. It is best to purchase a portable potty, as the adult toilet is too large and too high for toddlers. They need to have their feet firmly on the floor, especially during a bowel movement, so they can push properly.
- Take your child with you when you buy the potty, and let them choose which one they would like.
- Find a good children's book about potty training and read it regularly with your child.
- Let your child play with the potty at home, sit in it fully clothed, sit Teddy on it, and carry it around the house. It is important that the child is comfortable with the potty.
- Buy some underwear with a favourite character on them and tell your child s/he can wear them when they use the potty.
- Let your child see you using the toilet and allow them to flush the button.
- Talk freely about using the toilet or potty and avoid negative words such as "yucky", "smelly" or "dirty".
- Wait for a few days until your child has accepted the new potty as part of the furniture.
What happens next?
Now that your toddler is familiar with the potty, it's time to try and use it.
- Encourage the child to sit in the potty without nappies. Start at 2 or 3 times per day (after each meal). If your child is very keen, you may choose to offer the potty every 2 hours. Never force the child to sit on the potty.
- Some parents find it helps to buy two potties, one for the child and one for "Teddy" to sit on.
- Stay with your child while they are on the potty. Often a special "potty song" can help the child relax. Above all, try and make being on the potty a fun experience!
- If nothing happens after five minutes, do not express disappointment. Praise the child for sitting on the potty and tell them they can try again later.
- If urination or a bowel motion occurs, let the child help you dispose of the contents and wash yours and the child's hands.
- Most important of all, after a successful sit, reward and praise! A chart of gold stars, a small coin for the money box, or a phone call to a favourite relative to share the good news will help encourage the child.
Toilet training can take anywhere from a few weeks to several months. Bowel training usually occurs before bladder training. A child who is mostly trained will still have the occasional accident if stressed or distracted. This does not signal a relapse. Once a child is out of nappies for most of the day, resist the urge to use them for shopping trips or car rides, as this sends confusing signals to the child.
My child refuses to sit on the potty.
If your child refuses to sit on the potty, chances are they are not ready yet. They may be suffering constipation and are trying to hold in a painful bowel movement. In older toddlers, they may have sensed frustration and anxiety on your part and are using Toilet Training to manipulate you! The most important thing is not to force a child to sit on the potty and never punish or scold the child for accidents or refusing to sit down. The more anxious you get, the more they will resist. If you have had no luck for several days, put the potty away, don't mention it any more and wait a week or two before trying again.
Notes
Nighttime training does not usually begin until the age of about 4 years.
If you have a child with a condition such as autism, Down syndrome or cerebral palsy, or other special needs, their Toilet Training needs may be quite different. Talk to your Doctor or a support group for further advice.
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