It's not what you say; it's what you don't say.There is nothing more unappealing than someone who talks incessantly and is over-indulgent in their exposure of self. You introduce yourself and he asks you something interesting but before you've had a chance to show your true colours he jumps in with his own story that answers his own question and leaves you half choked unable to get to your own punch line.
Of course we all love a good story. Nonetheless, we love nothing more than when people show they are more interested in us as they are in themselves. There is nothing more alluring than a date that shows a level of curiosity and genuine fascination about who we are and what makes us tick.
It seems so obvious and simple, yet very few actually do it!
Most people get so caught up thinking about what they're going to say to impress people that they forget the secret ingredient of winning anyone's affection - being totally encapsulated by them!
Forget trying to prove you're interesting. Stop trying to make a good impression by what you have to say. Focus instead on being attentive to them. Not only will it ease those messy date nerves by taking your focus off yourself, but they'll find you more interesting, you'll get to know them better and the conversation will flow with ease.
How do you go about it?
1. Develop an Attitude of Genuine Curiosity
Stop making everything all about you and develop a genuine curiosity about people and life. Make the focus of your dates about really getting to know that unique individual. Keep your attention on unravelling who the person is rather than thinking about what to say next, how you look, and what criteria they're meeting.
2. Ask Great Questions
The key to making any interaction relaxed and enjoyable is to ask fabulous open-ended questions. That is, questions that require an in-length response. Pay attention to the types of questions people ask and notice how some open up a conversation and some close it down. Learn the art of making conversation expansive and people will be drawn to you.
3. Actually Listen to the Answers
Do you really listen when people are talking? Most people pretend they're listening but their mind is somewhere else - thinking about that outfit they should have worn, what they're going to say next, beating themselves up about what they said a minute ago. Others don't even attempt to pretend. They simply wait for a gap in the conversation and start blabbering on about something else. Blah blah blah! Become an engaging listener and inspire a more interesting date.
4. Don't interrupt people, ever!
No matter how excited you are to tell your similar story, no matter how long they seem to be contemplating their next word, you don't need to fill in the gap with your own crap. If you're someone that falls into this trap - drop it. Catch yourself and stop it. There is nothing more frustrating and patronising.
5. Give your Undivided Attention
We all love a heavy dose of undivided attention from anyone. Eye contact and body posture tell more about a person's attention to us then what they say. It's incredibly painful to sit there with someone you've just met to have them gaze their eyes around the room while you're talking. Turn your body to face their's. Put on your blinkers and keep your eyes in the scope of the conversation. Through your body language alone you can allure and entice.
It really can be easy to get anyone's attention anywhere anytime. Simply let go of trying to impress with your fancy words. Shift your focus onto them - be curious, ask great questions, and show your undivided attention. Then sit back, relax and indulge in discovering the book within the cover. The story that unfolds may just pleasantly surprise you…
